Title: The World Still Turns

Author: Callie.

Rating: PG.

Genre: Slash.

Category: Romance.

Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski.

Spoilers: Season Three.

Disclaimer: Due South and all of its characters belong to Alliance Communications.

Dedication: Beth asked me to write a story especially for RSGS....it is my privilege to do so. Sorry it took so long, Beth. But I dedicate this story to you. Inspired by a song that you can find at the end of the story, if you are interested.

Distribution: Here and my personal site.

Summary: Ray considers his past and present loves.

Dates written: April, 2002.



***



It's Monday and the squad room is buzzing with its usual noise and uproar. And I love it. It took two long years, but I really feel at home with the place, right down to the yellow peeling paint and smell of stale coffee. Wow, I sound like a junkie hooked on coke. But I am hooked. Hooked on my life. I can feel myself grinning stupidly. Go figure, Stanley Raymond Kowalski, skinny, short-sighted Polack and detective first grade loves his life. It officially don't suck any more.

I grin to myself again as I flop down in my chair flinging a file onto my out of control stack of paperwork. Shrugging, I lift my legs onto the desk - not even a mountain of current cases and last month's filing can take away my good mood. I take a quick sip of my fifth cup of coffee pulling a face at the bitter taste. "No candy," I sigh as a grab one of the files so I look busy. I forgot my glasses this morning so I squint over the top of the folder looking around the squad room taking it all in - watching the hustle and bustle of the comings and goings that I have grown used to over my two years here.

I start to hum to myself - a tune that I heard on the way into work. It's driving me nuts. Make mental note, as Fraser would say, to persuade a certain Mountie that he wants to listen to rock and roll, instead of the country music station. I raise my eyes to the ceiling as the tune pops into my head again. Can't seem to get the words outta my head.

I look around the squad room again trying to distract myself from my humming. Stella is here. I sip at my coffee again as I let my eyes drift lazily around the room until they rest on Stella again. I didn't even notice her coming in. My mind takes me back to the time when I would have rushed over and acted like a stupid lovesick puppy the moment she entered the squad room. A time that she would fix me with a stare and tell me to drop dead in the icy tone that she saved for the courtroom and me. I used to smile at her and make some smart ass remark pretending that the words didn't hurt. Then I would go home and cry in the dark alone. But I'm over that now.

I begin to hum again as the song pops into my head again reminding me why I can't get it outta my head - it reminds me of my life. Sliding my legs off the desk, I look back to Stella - she is standing with her hands on her hips, her feet slightly apart. She looks the business in her neat light grey suit, and she is giving Lieutenant Welsh a hard time. Poor guy, although he seems to be giving as good as he gets. Way to go, Lieutenant.

I see her casting furtive glances at me. I can't help smiling to myself knowing she is probably pissed that I didn't jump up when she came into the squad room. I frown slightly as past memories bombard my mind. I loved her so much it hurt. Thought we were forever, but she wanted me to be someone different and as hard as I tried, I always managed to disappoint her. When she left, I thought I was gonna die from the pain. I spent a lot of time, crying alone, curled up on our bed trying to stop the ache in my chest from swallowing me up. And I acted kinda stupid for a while thinking I could win her back. But looking back I think I knew deep down that I had lost her - just didn't want to admit it to myself. I look Stella's way again - she is gathering up her briefcase preparing to leave. Glancing my way, she smiles and looks as though she has decided to come and talk to me. I just give her a small wave and turn back to my file concentrating. I hear the doors swing shut as Stella leaves the squad room. I nod to myself - I learned to live without her. It don't hurt any more. I admit that it took a while with lots of tears and heartache, but I dragged my sorry ass outta the apartment and went solo for a while. Forced myself to go to the movies or the ball game or just a walk by the lake. It was tough but I did it. I learned to love myself without her.

And here's the real kicker - I even learned to love again. The thought makes me grin again; I can feel myself beaming at no-one in particular and know I must look pretty stupid. But I don't care. Life is so good.

I lift my head - the reason behind my goofy grin just walked through the door, a white wolf at his heels. Wearing jeans, a cream sweater and his brown leather jacket, Fraser just oozes sex appeal. And he's all mine. Body and soul - dot it file it, stick it in a box marked done. I grin again as I rest my head on my hands watching as he listens politely to Huey telling his latest joke. He's laughing, but I know I'll have to spend time explaining the joke to him later. You gotta love the guy. Not that he hasn't got a sense a humour - he has, but it's kinda subtle.

He is so naive sometimes that I wanna slap him. He makes me nuts most of the time with his thank you kindly and it only takes an extra minute, but I wouldn't change him for anything or anyone. He loves me. And I love him with all my heart and soul.

Stella will always own a little piece of my heart, but the rest of it and all of me belongs to Fraser. Forever. Really butters my muffin to know that he feels the same. He makes this Chicago flatfoot feel like a million bucks and I never want that feeling to go away.

I grin as Fraser strolls towards me. Dief has slipped under my desk and is in his usual position, lying across my feet. "Hi," I grin again. "What brings you here?"

"Good afternoon, Ray," Fraser smiles at me as he sits down in his usual chair in front of my desk. "Diefenbaker and I thought that as it was our day off we would come and meet you from work." He smiles again - it's the smile he reserves for me alone, the one that softens and lights up his face, the one that makes me feel all mushy inside. "I thought we could get Chinese on the way home," he suggests as he cocks his head to one side. Dief barks in agreement from under the desk.

I lean down and ruffle Dief's head. Looking back at Fraser, I have a sudden urge to kiss him. I grin goofily at him instead. "Yeah. That sounds like a plan." I want to touch him so I stretch my legs out under the desk until I feel a jean clad leg. With a mischievous grin at him, I start to rub my ankle up and down his leg.

Fraser starts slightly at my initial touch raising his eyebrows at me. I stare back at him challenging. I can't help myself - can't help teasing him, seeing how the prim and proper Mountie that he shows everyone will react. I know up close and personal that he can be wild and free - he shows me that side of himself every time we make love.

He narrows his eyes at me knowing that I am playing with him. I smirk at him and increase the speed of my rubbing against his leg. I watch him glance around the squad room before shifting his chair closer pressing his leg into my touch. I can't help being surprised, and lose my rhythm for a moment. Turning his head away from the rest of the room, he runs his tongue slowly along his bottom lip and up to his top lip before mouthing that he loves me. He then begins to rub his leg against mine, his eyes never leaving mine. His mouth turns up into a small smile.

Now I am seriously turned on. I stop rubbing his leg before I explode. Fraser lowers his eyes smiling again in triumph. In his usual thank you kindly efficient manner, he entangles our legs together under the desk. God I love him, and I mouth it to him so he knows.

He raises his eyebrows grinning at me, but his eyes are filled with love. "Are you ready to go home?" he asks.

"Oh yeah," I breathe, my voice husky as I untangle my legs jumping to my feet. The country song pops into my head suddenly and I grin at him. "Gotta make a stop on the way home," I say over my shoulder as I head towards the door shrugging into my jacket. "Need to buy me a country cd."

"A country cd," Fraser asks - he sounds and looks surprised at my choice of cd.

We are shoulder to shoulder in perfect step with each other as usual, Dief at our heels. "Yeah," I glance sideways at him. "You'll understand when I play it to you tonight over dinner."

"Ahhh I see," he murmurs. I know he's confused when he does that thing with his eyebrow. Why does that look so sexy to me? Go figure. But I know he'll come with me, and that when I play the cd, he'll get it. Like Stella never could. I'm humming out loud as we leave the precinct building - I could get to like country music.



The song that inspired the story is below.



Myself Without You (sung by Reba McEntire, written by Bob DiPiero\Victoria Shaw)



When you walked out that door

I was so sure my world had ended

So sure I'd never get over you

On that first night alone

I cried so many tears it scared me

So many dreams that I had to let go

But now I know

That the world still turns and the sun still burns

And that's what I've learned without you

And the days roll on and my heart gets stronger too

Don't think I didn't love you

Just because I made it through

But I learned to love myself

Without you

I take myself to dinner

And I go to the movies solo

That's something I never did before

You may not understand this

But I don't wait on invitations

I'm not afraid of the great unknown

Of being alone 'cause I know

That the world still turns and the sun still burns

And that's what I've learned without you

And the days roll on and my heart gets stronger too

Don't think I didn't love you

Just because I made it through

But I learned to love myself

Without you

I can even see myself

Falling in love with somebody else

Ready to take that chance again

'Cause I know now

What I didn't know then

That the world still turns and the sun still burns

And that's what I've learned without you

And the days roll on and my heart gets stronger too

Don't think I didn't love you

Just because I made it through

But I learned to love myself

Without you