PARTY FAVORS by CALLIE A due South Art Gallery with Text



























EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY.....



Partners and Friends:

My life was a mess so I escaped and took this gig of pretending to be an Italian. And I got this new partner - well two, if you count Dief, who seems to like me, although it could be the doughnuts I sneak him when Fraser ain't looking.

Fraser's kinda weird and freaky, but I figure he's a good person. He walked into the squad room on that first day, all lit up like a Christmas tree, expecting to see Vecchio. Instead he got me - scruffy, blond experimental hair, blue-eyed and full of attitude looking nothing like an Italian or Vecchio. Confused - hell I woulda been. I felt him stiffen when I hugged him, but he'd looked so confused and lost, like a little kid, that I couldn't help myself. He spent the whole day trying to prove I wasn't Vecchio - I can still taste the damn window putty. Poor guy nobody told him about the undercover gig.

Well, anyway he's sorta serious and a lot proud, but hidden under all those layers and the Mountie mask, I think there's a different man. And me, I am a man with a plan - I am gonna find the real Fraser. Dot it, file it, stick it in a box marked done. Hey, he even asked me out to dinner and didn't laugh when I couldn't pronounce the names of the Chinese dishes.

So I've kinda decided I like him. I think that we can be partners, may be even friends.... I think he wants to be my friend. I wanna be his.



My father said that Ray was a good man, and for the first time I have to agree with him. Ray is a good man. It wasn't his fault that nobody told me about Ray Vecchio and the undercover operation to protect his identity. He hugged me and babbled on about duets as he guided me through the squad room as if he had known me all his life. His energy and vitality caught me off guard, which added to my confusion at not finding Ray Vecchio where he should have been. I spent the day trying to prove who he wasn't, and I think I may have missed who he really was. And then he stepped in front of a bullet meant for me.

I made up my mind then and there that I would find out about this new Ray. I started with my dinner invitation. His happy smile blinded me with its intensity. I don't think he had expected me to want to get to know him, be his friend. But I do. I know we can be partners. I have not had many friends in my life, but I know without a doubt that we can be friends. I think he is offering me his friendship. And I want to be his friend.



Thinking of Ray:

I can't help it..... I think of Ray all of the time. His constant energy and beauty haunts my every thought. I dream of him at night. Dream that I am holding him in my arms, stroking his soft skin, listening to his breathing as he sleeps beside me.

Guard duties have become torture as thoughts of Ray constantly bombard my mind - I can hear him laughing or cheering, or see him smiling at me. I see him angry and hurt, his pale eyes flashing with pain and anguish that he tries to hide from everyone. He is intriguing to me, a man of great contrasts - tough talking, quick tempered and vibrant, but I have also seen the gentle, warm and funny side of Ray - this is the man he hides from everyone. But I have seen him.

Ray is in my every thought, tormenting me. I'm afraid - I think that I am in love with Detective Stanley Raymond Kowalski. But love always seems to slip through my fingers so I remain silent loving him from afar and cherishing our friendship.



Thinking of Ben:

I can't help it..... I think of Ben all of the time. I look in my mirror every day when I've dragged my sorry ass outta bed - I can see me, but I can see him too. He is always there smiling at me. Giving me that smile that he only seems to give to me.

I dream about him at night. Dream that he is holding me and that I'm holding him close. And in my dreams, he is always Ben, not Fraser the stiff Mountie who hides himself away from people behind his uniform and his thank you kindly manners. Me, I never let a brick wall get in my way so I have pushed and prodded until he showed me a little bit of the real man.

And I like him, like him a hell of a lot - so sue me. The real Benton Fraser is a warm gentle person. He just cracks me up when he tries to tell a joke, or tries to talk Chicago slang. He does both with such a serious face. He irritates the hell outta me by endangering my life in wildly bizarre ways, making me nuts with his thank you kindly and it only takes an extra minute speech.

But I look forward to seeing him every day - makes my stomach do somersaults every times he walks into the room and smiles at me. I think I love Constable Benton Fraser, and it scares me to hell and back. I've been burned before. Gotta keep this to myself - don't wanna ruin the best thing I've had for a long time.



Realisation:

Oh dear...... Ray loves me. I can see it in his eyes.

We looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity, and I felt that Ray was looking right into my soul, past my Mountie mask and armour, right to the real me, the me that I hide from everyone. I held his gaze challenging him to look away. He didn't.

He looked surprised as though he couldn't quite believe what he could see in my eyes, couldn't believe that I could love him - I hate when he puts himself down. He is so easy to love. I took a deep breath and put all the love I felt for him into my eyes, desperately wanting him to see it. Desperately wanting to see love in his eyes. I held my breath.

He returned my gaze for a few seconds before smiling softly at me. Then, with a quick look back at our companions, he gently took my hand in his, squeezing it in re-assurance. I think he whispered something to me, but I couldn't hear it over the thumping of my heart. He smiled at me again, and I could see love reflected in his pale expressive eyes. Love for me. My heart soared - Ray loves me too. I want to kiss him, but I know I must be patient, and wait until we are alone.



Oh wow...... Fraser loves me. I can see it in his eyes.

We, that is the Mounties and cops, are at the annual 27th Precinct picnic by the lake they call Michigan. Everyone is having a pretty good time, even Fraser is relaxed and smiling, except for when Frannie nearly fell on top of him.

After eating, Fraser suggested that me, him and Dief go for a walk by the lake edge. Dewey and Huey persuaded the others to play a game of baseball. We could hear their arguing and shouts as we walked side by side. Sitting on a bench, we watched as Dief chased seagulls.

Can't remember why, but we looked at each other, staring for what seemed like years to me. It was like I could see right past all that armour he throws up, like he was letting me in. And I couldn't believe what I was seeing in his eyes. I'm scared, and I think he's as rattled as me, but I aint gonna run from him. So I just took his hand in mine and told him not be afraid. Don't think he heard me so I smiled at him again, and let him see my love for him.

We sat, clutching each other's hand - as if our lives depended on it - for the rest of the afternoon. Our first kiss is gonna have to wait until we are alone.



Courting:

We've been dating for three months now. Or courting as Ben calls it - says it sounds more romantic. Cracks me up that he so serious, but I love that he wants to make it special for us.

So we've been doing the dating... I mean courting stuff - going to the movies, the ball game, a hockey match or camping for the weekend. Sometimes we just stay at my apartment with a take-out and a movie. And dancing.... surprised me, but Ben loves to dance. So we dance with the lights out and the music low. Sounds kinda silly, but it's not, it's greatness.

And we do plenty of the kissing stuff. Our first kiss was worth the wait. Ben's a good kisser. Not sure there's a part of me that aint be kissed by Ben. Makes me feel like a million bucks. We were both nervous about the sex, but we worked it out - got on the same page. And it's good, real good. Laying with him at my side makes me feel needed, wanted and loved. Hope that Ben feels the same.



Ray teases me when I call it courting, but I can see in his eyes that he is secretly pleased. And I want to make it special for him, want to make him feel loved and needed, the way he makes me feel loved and needed.

I love being with him. Dating, as Ray calls it, is fun. We go for long walks, go to hockey matches and ball games, or just watch movies at his apartment with a take-out on our laps and Diefenbaker stretched out at our feet. But my favourite is dancing to his music with the lights turned low. He fits into my arms making me feel whole, filling the lonely space that I thought would be empty forever. I murmur words of love to him as I let him lead me around his living room. He calls me a freak, but I can hear the love in his voice.

Our first kiss was everything that I had ever dreamed of and more. I have made it my mission to kiss every part of Ray's sleek body. Making love for the first time was awkward, and we were both clumsy. But we got on the same page, as Ray says. And now, it's just wonderful. I love laying with him at my side. I hope that Ray feels the same.



Forever:

Ben said forever to me this afternoon. And I know he means it. As he placed the plain gold band on my ring finger, I knew this was for keeps. God, I love him with everything that I am.

The dream catcher he gave me for my birthday hangs over our bed sending us all the good dreams and tangling up the bad ones. And I figure we got forever to make us some good dreams.

I am complete at last.



Ray said forever to me this afternoon. And I know he means it. As he placed the plain gold band on my ring finger, I knew that we would be together always. I love him with my very being.

When I moved my hand the gold circle reflected in the light, and I remembered reading somewhere that several ancient cultures believed that a circle was a symbol of perfection, a perfect unity without a beginning or end. I like to think that Ray and I have no beginning or end.

I am complete at last.