Title: Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone
Rating: Het and Slash, NC-17.
Pairings: Kowalski/female, Fraser/Kowalski.
Spoilers: Follows the events of Strange Bedfellows.
Teaser: When Ray ditched Fraser in the hallway of Stella's apartment building, he didn't go home right away.
Disclaimer: As much as I want them, they don't belong to me.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Note: This is a sequel to Use Me, you may want to read it first to get the full effect of the story. Once again, I've used Bill Wither's as inspiration and thanks to my beloved beta Beth.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
She goes much too long
Any time she goes away
Ray was able to lose Fraser. He popped into the stairwell knowing the Mountie would look for him briefly. He flattened himself to the wall inside the stair well and took a few deep breaths. After five minutes he cracked his neck and opened the door. The time it took to get from the hallway to Stella's door was infinitesimal. He raised his hand to knock but Stella was already opening the door.
Words were completely unnecessary. Stella simultaneously pulled him in the apartment and ripped his pants open. Stella bit his neck as she shoved her hand in his pants. Ray pulled her skirt up over her hips and clawed at the sheer nylons she was wearing. His other hand went flying up her blouse and quickly exposed her breasts for his mouth.
Stella moaned as she felt him harden in her hand. "Hurry, Ray!"
Ray ripped her hose with his fingers and slipped a few fingers inside her. Stella growled and pulled him closer trying to get him inside her. They fell to the floor finally coupling with Stella on top. Ray held her hips pulling her down trying to get totally inside her. He had to show her it was wrong and that they needed to be together because this was so good and he needed her to make him feel so good.
While she writhed on top of him, Ray sat up and nuzzled her breasts and felt wetness against his face. He looked up and in the dim light of her living room he saw her face in a blur of his tears. He stopped her quietly with a hand on her arm. He kissed her tenderly and stood up pulling her with him. Seeing Stella naked was still the most amazing sight after all these years. He gently stroked a hand over her hip and let the other one wander into her hair pulling her close for a kiss.
"Ray, what are you doing?" It came out a sharp hiss and he winced as more tears came. This was his chance to show her, to make her see things were still good between them. He needed her more than anything he needed her mouth, her hands and her body to make him feel like this. He didn't want anyone else.
He picked her up and carried her to her bedroom. He gently lowered her on the bed and got on top of her. He sprinkled kisses over her body and gently entered her again rocking against her. Stella grabbed his arms and rocked her hips against him.
"Oh yeah, Ray. Fuck me! Harder, baby." Stella cried out and Ray's heart sank. This wasn't fucking, this was making love and he wanted to scream at her. He faltered in his thrusts and his erection deflated unceremoniously. He pulled out quickly so she wouldn't know and quickly used his mouth to bring her to orgasm.
Stella screamed her release calling out Ray's name but he knew her heart wasn't in it anymore. He knew exactly how to get her off so she would sleep soon after and he wouldn't have to answer any questions he could just leave. She pulled him up to kiss him but his heart was no longer in it. He couldn't pretend so he just curled up behind her and held her until she fell asleep.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
I wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Any time she goes away
Ray returned to his apartment. He entered not bothering to turn any lights on. He put his keys down and went straight for the stereo. Then he flopped down into his armchair. The song played and he relived the best part of the evening. Dancing with Stella on her terrace, for those few moments Ray's world was perfect. There was no screaming, no primal 'fuck me' and no divorce it was love right then and there.
He scooted up onto the arm of the chair for a moment. Finally getting the courage he stood and slowly danced wanting to feel Stella, wanting to feel the love that was so elusive in their marriage. Unable to feel anything anymore he stopped and paced settling by the window. The song stopped and the tears started.
She's gone to stay
It's breakin' me up
Anytime she goes away
Gotta leave the young thing alone
There ain't no sunshine when she's gone
"Ray." He heard the word but it didn't register. The vague notion of panic flickered through him. Someone was in his apartment but at this point he welcomed the intruder, maybe he would help put him out of his misery.
"Ray, are you alright? I was worried..." Fraser stepped forward slowly not wanting to frighten Ray.
Finally the voice registered and Ray looked up. "Frase."
"Are you alright, Ray?" Ray sniffled slightly and then shook his head negatively and the tears started again. Fraser knelt down in front of Ray as he sat on the window ledge. "Is Stella alright? Did something happen after we left?"
Ray shook his head affirmatively and then negatively accompanied by a very loud sob. A tear hit Fraser's hand and he moved closer. He reached out to touch Ray's hand but Ray pulled back. Fraser sighed heavily out of ideas of how to help but wanting desperately to stop Ray's pain.
"Dance with me, Frase."
"C'mon dance, need this." Ray sniffed and rubbed his arm across his face. He put himself in Fraser's arms and waited to be led. He needed to feel something again and he didn't want it to be the wrong thing. Fraser would never lead him astray. Fraser would love him, no matter what.
Fraser started to move them slightly back and forth. Ray drew his arms in and splayed his palms on Fraser's chest. He let it all out, sobbing and yelling and Fraser took it.
"I loved her, Fraser. I loved her forever and she just wanted to fuck me. That's all my..our marriage was just fucking. She didn't love me, Fraser. I feel...I'm not real. She fucked me for twenty years but she never loved me. SHE NEVER LOVED ME!"
Fraser held Ray tightly despite his thrashing and yelling. He knew how badly it felt to be betrayed by a lover.
"How could I NOT see it, Fraser? How could I be so fucking blind? I devoted my life to her, to us. How could she fake a marriage, fake an entire relationship? What do I do now? I don't have anything."
Fraser tilted his head down and kissed Ray showing him how much he had. Ray struggled pushing at Fraser pounding his fists into Fraser's chest. When Fraser drew Ray's lower lip into his mouth and gently sucked on it Ray stopped struggling. It was the warmest feeling and he hardened instantly.
"I'm here for you, Ray. You have me if you want me, I thought you knew that."
Ray shook his head as his thoughts piled up on top of themselves racing so fast through his brain. 'Oh, God. Kiss. Want. Fraser. Hold on a sec.' Ray looked up and kissed Fraser, tempting fate by tasting such sweetness a second time.
'Oh yeah.' Ray registered the thought and he pulled back and ran his hand up to Fraser's neck holding him close afraid he would leave. He gently massaged the back of Fraser's neck and got the satisfaction of watching Fraser's eyes close and a soft smile accompanied by a gentle sigh.
"Oh, Frase." Ray may not have Stella's love but he's got Fraser's. Fraser pulled at Ray's sport coat and tugged his t-shirt up making contact with Ray's warm smooth skin. Fraser pulled him tighter to him let his tongue roam Ray's mouth.
"May I..." Fraser started and stopped quickly. Ray was busy concentrating on the warm hands rutting down the back of his jeans grasping for his ass.
"Hunh?" Ray snapped out of his trance when he thought he heard speaking.
"Ray, may I...that is I would like to go to your bedroom." Fraser almost whispered against his cheek.
"Yeah, sure. Yeah." Ray shook his head trying to collect his thoughts. 'Bedroom, with Frase, ok. Jesus Christ! Bedroom, duh! Sex, this means sex! Oh, yeah, sex with Fraser, gonna be good.'
Ray smiled and tugged Fraser harder behind him.
He sat on the bed but Ben pulled him back up to stand in front of him. Ben reached out and stroked his cheek and kissed him lightly. Sweeping his tongue across Ray's ear he whispered softly.
"I want to make love with you, Ray. It will always be love." Ray grabbed Ben's hand and squeezed so hard Ben's fingers ached. Fraser pulled back and saw hot tears of release falling down Ray's face. Ray took Ben's hand and put it on the back of his neck.
Ben slowly rubbed the warm skin under his fingers. Ray closed his eyes and bent his head side to side relaxing with the caress. After a few moments Ben stepped closer to Ray and took his face in his hands and softly kissed him from brow to lips.
Ray sighed deeply and leaned towards Ben wanting more contact. Ben tugged Ray's t-shirt up and out of his jeans relishing the feel of the smooth, hot skin. After he removed Ray's shirt he took off his own and then removed his boots and jeans. Ray tried to strip quickly to catch up and fumbled with his belt. Standing unabashedly naked Ben smiled and stilled Ray's hands.
"There is no hurry, Ray."
Ray took another deep breath as Ben's hands pulled the belt from Ray's jeans. Kneeling down Ben pulled Ray's jeans down slowly kissing the exposed flesh of Ray's groin. Ray threaded his fingers through Ben's hair gently pulling mimicking the tension Ben was creating in his body.
Ben sat back on his heels and pulled Ray's jeans the rest of the way off and tossed them aside. Ben looked up and admired the sight in front of him. He closed his eyes and ran his hand up Ray's thigh around to his buttock and then back to his stomach upwards to his chest.
Ray captured his hand and pulled Ben to stand. He kissed the palm of Ben's hand and nipped at the underside of his wrist. Ben gently pushed Ray back towards the bed. As Ray's knees gave way and he settled on the bed Ben lowered himself down next to Ray.
Ray blushed under Ben's intense scrutiny of his body. Ben tentatively reached out and brushed his fingertips over Ray's ribs. He propped himself up on one elbow and ran his hand over Ray's chest gently pinching his nipples and lightly scratching the sensitive areas. Ben leaned in and flicked his tongue along Ray's earlobe and gently sucked on his neck leaving small marks.
Ray moaned and blindly reached out grasping for Ben. Ray pulled Ben to him and kissed him nipping and sucking Ben's lips and chin. Laying side by side Ben slid his knee between Ray's legs and they began thrusting giving into the need for intimate contact and ultimately release.
Ray's mouth was moving trying to taste as much of Ben's face and neck. His hands were on Ben's buttocks pulling him harder and closer with every thrust. Ben pulled Ray's leg higher up resting it on his thigh. He then reached around and softly rubbed and pressed on Ray's anus.
Ray thrust harder and nipped the soft flesh of Ben's neck in response. Ben pulled his hand back and stuck two fingers in his mouth preparing but then Ray took his hand and put it in his mouth. He tenderly sucked and teased the thick digits with his tongue. Ben's eyes rolled back in his head and he thrust hard one last time against Ray shuddering and groaning.
"Good God, Ray!" Ben panted heavily. Ray smiled and let Ben's fingers fall out of his mouth. Ray looked down at the drops of semen on his leg and Ben's groin.
"Wanna taste ya, Ben." He dipped his head down and ran his tongue along and took up the cooling liquid. Ben couldn't help the spasm in his abdomen at the intimate contact in such a sensitive place.
"Ray, I want to be in you." Ben whispered and Ray smiled. Using the last of his release Ben rubbed again at Ray's tight opening. Ray snuggled down into his chest raising his leg for better access. Ben finally slipped the tip of his finger in and Ray groaned and started rubbing with renewed interest against his hip.
Ben slowly pumped his finger in and out and then added a second. Ray thrust faster against him and captured Ben's mouth with his for one last kiss before his orgasm ripped through his body. Ben held Ray close as his body shook.
Ray realized he fell asleep when he felt wet, warmth gently pulling across his leg and stomach. He reached out and pulled Ben close never opening his eyes. Ben's gentle laughter settled him back to slumber. Ben pulled the covers up around them and kissed Ray's head pulling him closer.
Ray woke sometime later. He untangled himself from Ben and slowly rolled out of bed. He walked across the room and used the bathroom. He smiled as he came out of the bathroom and saw Ben sprawled out across three fourths of his bed.
Suddenly it hit him and he couldn't be still. He walked out to the family room and paced. The past forty-eight hours played on a loop in his head and he realized how far he had come. How many people are lucky enough to find themselves so quickly after they become lost, when the proverbial rug gets pulled out and you lose your footing and your balance. How many people?
Ray rubbed the back of his neck and realized he was naked and chilly standing in front of his sofa. On his way back to bed he stopped at his desk and grabbed a small photo in a silver frame, Ray and Stella at Ray's graduation from the police academy. He flipped it over and put it in the bottom drawer of his desk with their wedding photos.
Ray smiled and went back to bed just as the sun was coming up.