Title: One Step Closer

Author: redrush.

Rating: R for language and adult situations, nothing explicit.

Genre: Slash and Het.

Category: Character study, drama.

Pairings: Joe/Billy pre-slash, Billy/Mary. (A teeny, tiny bit.)

Spoilers: None.

Disclaimer: They are not mine, don't own them. Never will.

Dedication: Thanks to Shadow and Maggie who have taught me more than I could have imagined about the Joe/Billy dynamic.

Feedback: Yes, please.

Teaser: This takes place sometime during the height of HCL’s popularity, so I’m guessing early 80’s.



***




Billy lit a cigarette then picked up the phone and started dialing. He ignored the raspy voice trying to scream at him. Waiting for the call to go through he stared at the four dark walls surrounding him. The paint was dirty and peeling. The ceiling had water stains down one side of the kitchen and Billy couldn't ever remember Joe having hot water in the kitchen or bathroom. How the hell could he live like this?

"Don't cancel, Billy. Did you hear me? We need the fuckin money, shithead. Put the fuckin phone down."

"Hey Pipe, it's me. Yeah, we got a problem." Billy smiled but then quickly frowned and spun on his heel when Joe started coughing. He distractedly explained Joe's pneumonia to Pipe and told him to call the bar and cancel the gig. He hung up without waiting for a response from Pipe.

He grabbed a glass from the sink and filled it with ice water hoping it would help sooth the burn in Joe's throat. He went into the small living space of Joe's place and sat down on the floor next to him. Joe was holding himself while he coughed and his body shook with great force. Billy rubbed his back until it stopped and Joe was out of breath.

Joe took the glass of water and sipped it. He held the cool water in his mouth to help calm the fire in the back of his throat. He swallowed and it triggered his cough and spit half of the water out.

"Why'd you fuckin cancel?"

"You can't fuckin sing. Hell you can barely breath without coughing." Joe gave him a patented 'fuck you very much' smile and reached for his cigarettes. Billy batted them away.

"Fuckin dink, what part of pneumonia don't you get? No smoking, no drugs, no singing for two weeks."

"Aw, Billy, I didn't know you cared." Joe said fluttering his eyelashes and starting on yet another coughing jag. Billy rolled his eyes and stood up. Joe's place was a shithole. He never took care of anything and always relied on others to take care of him and his life for him. Fucking baby, Billy thought.

Billy walked back into the kitchen. He wasn't going to do this. He told himself on his way here that he wouldn't do it. Joe needed to learn how to take care of himself and he'd never learn with little Billy always there to pick up the pieces. Billy looked back at the pathetic form slumped over with a torn blanket around him shivering.

"Who the fuck am I kidding?" He muttered and went into Joe's room. He grabbed everything that looked important and threw it in a garbage bag. He went out and did the same in the kitchen and the living room. He took the one bag down to his car and came back to the apartment.

"C'mon Joe. Up and at'em." He pulled Joe up by the armpits and pulled the blanket away. Billy took his coat off and put it on Joe. He noticed all the weight Joe lost when he realized Joe was swimming in his jacket.

"Where we goin, Billiam?"

"Home. This fucking dump." Billy looked around waving a hand. "Jesus, Joe, why do have to fuckin snort every dime you make? You could have a decent place to live with heat and furniture and everything."

Joe pulled a stupid face and Billy smacked him upside the head. Joe barely winced. "I don't need that shit."

Billy ignored him and pulled him out the door.

It took two hours to get back to Billy's after Joe admitted pawning some of their gear for crack money. Billy got it from the pawn dealer and didn't speak to Joe for the rest of the trip.

Billy's apartment was unlocked and Joe was surprised Mr. Uptight Anal Responsible wasn't having kittens. He pushed Joe through the doorway and threw the garbage bag on the floor next to him.

"Mary?" The young blonde poked her head out of the little kitchenette.

"Yeah, Billy. Hey Joe!" She smiled and came out wiping her hands on a paper towel. "Billy, the receipts are on the table and I put the envelope...back."

Billy smiled at how carefully she chose her words regarding the concert profits around Joe. Billy was entrusted to be the group banker. Mary sold the merch and was excellent at keeping records. She organized all the expenses for Billy and then he wrote the checks and then the band got paid.

"Pipe called me at home. He said Joe was sick so I brought some stuff and made soup. It's ready." She went to Joe. She put her palm on his flushed cheek and smiled sympathetically.

"I'll live, Mare." He smiled weakly.

"Glad to hear it." She kissed him, slightly opening her lips, offering some warmth and comfort. Then she turned to Billy.

"If you need anything give me a call. I'm off til Tuesday."

"Thanks, Mary." Billy leaned down, put his hand on her cheek and gave her a good bye kiss. Mary slipped out the door.

"I thought you were living together." Joe rasped as he moved to Billy's couch.

"Nah, she's gotta take care of her Mum." Billy hung up his coat and grabbed a heavy wool blanket from the top shelf in the closet.

Joe sat heavily on the couch. The brightness of the room disturbed him. Billy's place wasn't much bigger than his own but it was a mansion compared to his cave. The walls were pale blue and the carpet an eggshell white. He remembered the various mismatched pieces of furniture from a basement apartment they shared when they dropped out of high school. Things were clean though Joe figured that was more Mary than Billy. She was a good lay but she was into relationships and that was Billy's department.

"Hey! Shoes off." Billy yelled as Joe reclined on the couch. Joe snickered but did what he was told. Bending down to untie his boots started a coughing jag. So Billy came over and squatted down, with one hand he pushed Joe back and the other removed the offending boots.

"Nice place. It suits you." Joe coughed. Billy shrugged.

"If you weren't afraid of being a real live grown up and take some fucking responsibility for yourself..."

"Yes, mum." Joe flicked him off. Billy growled.

"Sleep."

When Joe woke a few hours later Mary was back. She and Billy were looking at some papers at Billy's kitchen table. Joe wanted to get up but he was too tired. He rolled over and tried to go back to sleep but the whispering was getting the better of him. He was a nosy fuck and he couldn't hear what they were saying and it was driving him crazy.

He heard Mary come over. "Hey, Joe. How ya feeling?"

"Like shit."

Mary laughed and pulled the blanket down his legs and tucked his feet in. "I'll bring you a little bit of soup. Are you warm enough?"

"Sure." He answered vaguely. Used to his comments, Mary walked back to the kitchen. She returned a few minutes later with a large mug and a straw. She set it down on his chest and then sat down with him rubbing his stomach while he did his best to sip and swallow.

"What?" He asked her coughing slightly.

"He's worried about you." Joe gave her a disbelieving look. "You need to take better care of yourself Joe."

"That's rich coming from the chick I shared needles with three years ago. Safe sex was never your strong suit either, Mare."

Mary snickered. Joe would bite back when words hit too close to home. "I've been clean for a year and a half Joe. I bet if I looked up your nose I'd find swiss cheese."

He shrugged and sipped more soup. He closed his eyes and smiled. "Could you rub a little lower, sweetheart?"

"Fuck you." Mary laughed and went back to the kitchen. Joe finished his soup and got up slowly to return the mug. Billy was signing checks and Mary was cleaning up the kitchen. Joe had to laugh at them. They looked so 'old married couple' and Joe wondered why it made him a little sad and angry.

They ignored him and of course that pissed him off so he decided to make a scene.

"How long do I have to stay here?"

Billy looked up. "I don't know. I wanna keep an eye on you."

Joe stuck out his lower lip mock pouting. "Oh what's a matter Billiam, don't trust me?"

"No." Billy said without looking up. Joe laughed until he started coughing again. Mary shoved him out of the kitchen and towards the couch. She waited for him to get settled and tucked the blanket around him. Joe was back to sleep before she finished.

When he woke again it was dark outside and Mary and Billy were in the doorway to the kitchen with their arms wrapped around each other. From what Joe could see Billy kept trying to kiss her and she would duck away slightly. She was whispering something to him and he was doing his best to shut her up.

"Billy, I mean it." Mary said a little louder. He nodded and this time she let him kiss her. He pulled her into him and squeezed her tight. The whole thing made him want to puke or maybe it was the pneumonia?

Joe swallowed hard but the inside of his mouth was salivating like crazy and he knew he couldn't stop it. He flew off the couch and ran into the kitchen. He just made it to the tile floor when the spasm hit and he vomited. It hit him so hard his stomach kept heaving and he couldn't breath. He grabbed for the counter and pulled himself to the sink. He was able to take a quick breath before the next spasm hit.

Billy was by his side in an instant. He held Joe's head and rubbed his back trying to relieve the strain in his friend's body. Mary cleaned the floor and turned the tap on to wash the vomit away. Billy winced at the tears running down Joe's face from the strain of the convulsions. Joe's face was violently red and the veins in his forehead were pulsing.

Mary tossed Billy a bulging, waded up wash cloth. He unwrapped it and took the toothbrush and toothpaste and set them aside and wet the wash cloth and ran it over Joe's face. Joe relaxed and closed his eyes. He took deep shaky breaths and rested his chin on his arms praying the vomiting stopped. Billy wetted the cloth again and put it on the back of Joe's neck.

"You think you're done?" Billy asked quietly.

Joe nodded, groaning. He tried to take a step back but faltered and Mary was right there and caught him.

"Let's put him in the bed. He'll be closer to the bathroom." They got on either side of him and supported him while he stumbled. They laid him on the bed and Billy went to get a wastebasket and the blanket from the couch. Mary stripped Joe and tucked him in. She took his shirt in the bathroom and rinsed it out.

When Mary was finished she found Billy staring at the moaning and shaking lump in his bed. She went over to him and held him knowing Billy felt angry and guilty all at the same time because he couldn't help Joe. She gently pulled away and kissed his cheek.

"If you need me later, please call. I need to get home and check on Mum." Billy nodded and she left the room.

"Do you have another god damn blanket?" Joe called out chattering. "Fucking freezing here."

The small voice startled Billy and he turned himself in a circle thinking until he remembered the heating pad in the bathroom. He brought it in the bedroom and plugged it in setting it on high. Once it warmed up he pulled the covers back and put it under Joe's back.

"Thanks." Billy was startled out of his skin. In the years he had known Joe he had only heard those words a handful of times. The first two times had been when his mouth had gotten him beaten within an inch of his miserable life and Billy did what he could besides cry to help him. Billy just couldn't understand Joe's need to get the shit beat out of him on a regular basis. The alcohol, drugs and women were addictions he got but masochism wasn't.

Wordlessly, Billy sat down on the side of the bed and watched Joe. His body shook in short tremors from fever. Joe rolled over and peeked out from his cocoon of blankets.

"Doesn't it bother you?" Joe asked weakly.

"What?" Billy looked away from an interesting spot above Joe's head and looked down into his face.

"Mary." Joe coughed hard and took a few deep gasps of air. "That's she's fucked all of us?"

Billy smirked. "Guess I don't think about it."

"You love her?"

"Dunno. Maybe." Billy rubbed his chin and got up from the bed. "Get some sleep."

Joe watched him walk out of the bedroom. He heard the soft sounds of Billy cleaning up the kitchen and tried in vain to wait for Billy to finish and come to bed.

In the kitchen Billy scrubbed the sink harder than needed. Joe asking about Mary had made him very uncomfortable. Mary was more than a fuck and always had been a friend. Billy couldn't remember the last time he had a girlfriend, maybe tenth grade? Mary helped out with the band, sold the merch and got people to come to the shows. He gave her some money when he could to help with her Mum but she wasn't all he ever thought about.

Being with Mary was nice and she never pressured Billy for more than the casual relationship they had. It was easy and familiar and she understood about his lifestyle. Being with Joe was hard and familiar and he was with Billy every night on stage. He never really missed Mary but if the band had a night off Billy was edgy and restless without Joe.

Joe.

Billy put the sponge away and turned off the kitchen lights. He locked his front door and walked to the bedroom. Joe was curled up on his side clutching Billy's other pillow to his chest. He let out a bone-rattling cough and squeezed the pillow harder.

Billy crossed the room and went into the bathroom. He grabbed some cough syrup and a glass of water. He came back to the bed and Joe was awake.

"Here, this will stop the coughing so you can sleep." Billy handed him the little measuring cup and then the water. Joe drank it down with a few coughs.

"Thanks." Billy laughed and Joe gave him a pained look.

"Now I know you're sick. You've said thanks twice in one night." Joe smirked and flopped tiredly back on the pillows.

Billy took the empty medicine cup and glass back to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth, took a leak and undressed. He flipped the light off and went into the bedroom. He pulled the covers back and pulled the heating pad out from under Joe. Then he crawled in next to Joe and pulled him into his arms and gently rubbed his chest until Joe fell asleep.

Billy knew Joe would never grow up. He would never be responsible for himself and why should he? He and Billy both knew that Billy would take care of Joe forever. They were one in the same. Joe began where Billy ended and it scared the hell out of him.

Billy closed his eyes and tried to sleep.