Title: Along Came a Spider
Rating: Gen, PG for language.
Teaser: Another day in the life of our favorite boys.
Disclaimer: As much as I want them, they don't belong to me.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Dedication: For Beth and all the spiders I killed two weeks ago.
Another long day with bruises and aching muscles. Another pizza with Frase and Dief. Ray smiled to himself as he let them into his apartment. He wouldn't have it any other way.
Ray slung his holster over the armchair and Dief bounded through the small room for the couch. He turned around five times clockwise three times counter clockwise and lay down with a huff.
Fraser set the pizza down on the counter and opened the fridge to hunt down something to drink. He found some red fruit punch and set it on the counter.
"Help yourself. I'll be right back." Ray called as he walked back towards the bedroom. Fraser continued gathering items for their dinner, plates, napkins, and glasses. He'd long since given up trying to get Ray to eat pizza properly with utensils.
He settled on the floor in front of the couch. Dief stuck his nose down and sneezed on the slice of pizza he was going to serve Ray.
Ben stared at him sadly. "Are you completely depraved?"
The wolf lifted innocent eyebrows, 'what? I’ve got allergies'.
Fraser sighed heavily and gave the plate to Dief. He watched him for a moment in complete amazement. Dief ate the toppings first, then the cheese and then the crust.
Ray came out a moment later and laughed at Dief nosing a mushroom he didn't want around the plate. Fraser rolled his eyes and stood.
"If I may, Ray?"
"Yes Fraser, you can use my bathroom. You can say it like a normal person you know. Bathroom isn’t a dirty word. Sheesh." Ray gave Fraser a friendly punch in the arm and sat down to grab his share of the pizza.
Fraser walked back in the hallway crossed through the bedroom and into the bathroom. He shut the door firmly and stepped over to the toilet. He unzipped and went about his business. He flushed the toilet and while he was zipping his fly something caught his eye. He looked over into the shower and froze.
‘SPIDER!’ His brain screamed. A small sweat broke out on his upper lip.
'BIG SPIDER!' He backed away and wondered what he was going to do. He knew if he called Ray for assistance he would never hear the end of it, but oh my that spider was large.
'BIG, BLACK, HAIRY, SPIDER!'
'Calm down, it's a common house spider, non-venomous and completely harmless.' His rational nature tried to fight back.
'SURE it's harmless but at night when it gets into your bed and then crawls in you mouth while you sleep...'
In his panic Fraser thumped his head against the wall. Ray looked up from the sports report towards the back of the apartment. Shaking his head he muttered something about Canadians even taking a piss politely.
Fraser held his breath for a moment hoping the noise wouldn’t draw Ray's attention. Now the spider was crawling up the side of the tub and was trying to grab onto the shower curtain. Before he knew what he was doing his panic betrayed him and called out.
Ray jumped up instantly. His mind began to race maybe Fraser got hit a little harder than he thought this afternoon. Running back to the bathroom he tried the door. It wouldn’t budge.
"Fraser?" He pushed on the door. It jiggled but wouldn’t open. "Frase, let me in. You ok?"
"Fraser, let me in." Ray realized it was Fraser’s large form blocking his entrance. "Buddy, move away from the door. Let me in."
Fraser slipped sideways and Ray felt the door open. It opened just enough for Ray to slip through. "Frase, what the hell is wrong?"
For the first time Fraser noticed Ray. "Oh dear."
"You have a spider." Ray followed Fraser's finger.
Ray walked over, grabbed a piece of toilet paper and snatched up the spider. He tossed the tissue in the toilet and flushed it. He escorted Fraser back out into the living room.
"Frase, it's cool. I get those all the time; they're wolf spiders. They come inside in the fall when the weather cools down. Not a problem."
"I see. Thank you kindly for your assistance, Ray." Ray smiled brightly and they sat down to finish eating. Ray waited about two minutes and it nearly killed him to do so but he waited for Fraser to relax and then he pounced.
"So, how come yer so afraid of spiders, Frase?" It came out so casually that Ray was very proud of himself.
"It's a long story, Ray. I was four, a spider's nest full of eggs hatched in my bedroom, can we move on?"
Ray gave a non-committal shrug. He waited ten minutes this time. He looked over at Fraser who was completely engrossed in the ballgame.
"Spiders, otters and women, oh my!" He chanted softly.
"That is not funny, Ray."
"Sure it is."
"No it is not."
"Yes it is."
"No it is not."
"Yes it is."
Amid the arguing Dief jumped down from the couch and grabbed the last slice of pizza. He quietly dragged it back to Ray's bedroom.
"No it is not."
"Yes it is."
The slam of Ray's bedroom door shut them both up. They turned back to look both with looks of amazement gracing their faces. Fraser turned to Ray.
"You pay and pay and pay." Ray smiled at Fraser. He put his arm around his shoulders gave him a quick squeeze and immediately asked if Fraser wanted to put money on the baseball game.
"Ray, gambling is hardly a commendable practice." They argued on into the night and Ray never mentioned another word about the spider again. Now Diefenbaker on the other hand, was an entirely different story.